Why is it more accepted to rant about negative adoption issues but not positive adoption issues?

(in YA, that is)Why is it more accepted to rant about negative adoption issues but not positive adoption issues?
Well, did anyone ever stop to consider that maybe some people are tired of being told that they are ';in denial, in a fog, or not bright enough'; because their opinions differ from the majority, might get angry about that?





It's something I've never understood. There are posters here who are very adament that if an adoptee expresses that they haven't felt a ';primal wound'; or experienced rejection or loss as a result of their adoption that they are just that: ';in a fog, in denial or not bright';.





So when those adoptees finally say, ';Hey, I have a right to be happy and don't need permission from you to do so!'; then the response is ';Well if you were so happy, you wouldn't need to shout about it.';





Makes no sense to me. And no, I don't think that ranting always means that someone is hurting or in pain. Some people rant because they are angry. Some people rant because they like to rant.Why is it more accepted to rant about negative adoption issues but not positive adoption issues?
sorry, I'm trying to make sense of your question.


What do you mean ';ranting about positive adoption issues';?


Do you mean just bringing them up? Do you have any examples you can think of?





Sorry again, I just need some clarity.





ETA: OK, I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and assume you are wondering if it is more accepted to play up all of the negatives about adoption than to play up the positives of adoption on yahoo answers.





I'm thinking it appears this way because more often than not the people who DO have issues with adoption (be it their own adoption, adoption in general, or the adoption agencies) are the ones who seek out websites like this. Though I'm on the other side of the fence (i'm fine with my adoption and adoption in general (if it is ethical) though I don't like what some of the agencies do), I can imagine there are many people out there like me who just plain don't think to seek out an adoption website because they have nothing triggering them to think about it.





Bottom line: I don't think it is that it is ';more accepted.'; I think that it just so happens that there are more people who have problems with adoption that are here looking for support or to provide advice (which is fine) than there are people with fewer problems with adoption.
Hmmm . . . my guess is because those who speak out about the other truths of adoption are not willing to let themselves be silenced any longer by being labeled with such things as negative, bitter, angry etc . . .





Because the ';roses and sunshine'; version is what the majority knows and there are people brave enough and strong enough to continue to counter that even with the many who want to discredit what they have to say.





And because, maybe, you are seeing it wrong. It isn't that it is more ';accepted'; but that more and more people are speaking out about the desperate need for adoption reform and the collection of these strong voices are gaining force and not backing down and finally being heard and joined by others who listen and learn, and add their strong voices to the same beliefs.
I don't see it as ranting. I see it as getting the other side of adoption out. If you had the textbook adoption with NO issues, that's really great, at least some adoptions worked the way the agencies say they do. But there is also a lot of loss and pain associated with adoption and lots of people feel it. That's what is not being told by agencies. It's always about how wonderful the children are going to do with new parents and how the surrendering parents are going to get over it. It's not ALWAYS the truth. And most labeled adoptees and mothers just want the truth to be told.





Its okay to tell happy stories, just make sure their the truth.
I have come to the realization that people that actually have positive adoption issues, are either called ';liars'; or ';people in denial';, at least I have been. So it is safer for the ones that are negative to post, because they will have more people to will understand. I am still going to stay here no matter if I am in the minority here. Misery does love company. I am one of the rare ones here, but I do feel that positive people should be able to share as well.
I read both anyway. Negative or positive. I don't mind learning why people feel as they do about any topic. I try to read between the lines at times, since there are always layers to emotions. Everyone needs to vent once in a while. Some personalities bottle it up, and then its easier to rant in written form than verbal.





But we can't thrive on constaent negative imput, and its not always helpful if its all negative, if its all bad and nothing good. You learn from positive experiences just as much. In the positives you learn what people did RIGHT. rather than constantly focusing on the mistakes, and problems. Sure these things do need to be heard, just in this day and age its people think needs to be heard.





So I'm open to both sides and it would be a shame if people witb positives stopped posting answers because they didn't feel heard or respected.





I've seen the results of change because the negative side has been heard, its when they become blinded by their experiences and refuse to acknowledge the changes that annoy me. Australia, Family preservation policy, open adoption records etc in almost all states. And yet people are starting to see that adoption is still needed, kids still want to feel part of the family not on the outside of it and not just be in fostering for 18yrs of their life and hope they have a family at the end. I have my gripes about a person who wants to see their kid every fortnight but refuses to raise them themselves or get their act together and treat a foster parent as a baby sitter. Or just leaves them in system and vanishes, but wants to 'claim' them as their child when they turn 18. See how easy it is to rant! LOL
Well, it's the negative parts of adoption that NEED attention so it will stop .





I do think ranting is a sign of pain, but can you blame anyone from ranting about their pain.





Something I do see that is lacking around here, is support for the things that done right. A person can come her for advice about all the things he/she is doing right but us a term that some don't like here and THAT becomes the topic, not what the person actually came here for.





I think misery love validation.
If you mean actual literal ranting instead of just asking questions or posting opinions, I think it's because we understand that a person who feels the need to rant to strangers is probably coming from a place of pain-- and pain is from negative experiences, not positive ones.





I know I personally give a lot more leeway to someone lashing out because they're hurting, than just trying to cram their opinions down my throat while they're emotionally fine. It's a context thing, really.





Someone with a negative experience may need to let it out (even though it would be better to do it in less accusatory or insulting ways, sometimes it's just too raw to bother trying to be socially acceptable,) whereas someone with a positive experience doesn't really have an excuse for being nasty.
well, from my experience, my parents were told only the positives and very little truth about adoption and what it can do, even though there had been numerous studies done by then. it was accepted that the baby would just fit nicely into their lives and grow up happy and fine with a secure home. so they were not prepared for any of the **** that went with me and my sister growing up, they did not know how to handle it and i half resent them now for not attempting to understand us more. so maybe its a need for the world to actually know that adoption isnt happy and rosy as the social workers years ago may have made it out to be. i used to rant, basically cos i had a strong opinion. i dont think i insulted people, but i did have a lot of tings to say that id neve said before, it is a release!
I think you're pretty much on target with ';misery loves company';. Most, not ALL, but most people on here are here because they hate adoption. Mostly birth mothers who regretted relinquishing, but waited until it was too late. There are exceptions. I came here looking for information about adopting when I thought I couldn't have kids. Now that I know I can, I still stick around because people were so nasty to me and perspective adoptive parents need all the people in their corner they can get
If you find an answer please share it with me. I've been happy in my adoption since day one and the only flack I've ever gotten for it has been here. Adoption is not perfect, that much I readily admit, but it certainly isn't the living he-ll for everyone that some around here insist it is.
If you don't want to hear the truth about the experiences of others, then why do you put out a question that people, all people, can answer? Seems to me that is begging for a rant. Maybe I am wrong here, but it would seem to me that if you don't want to hear people's opinions....YOU WOULDN'T ASK THEM!
Hi Kristy,





Could you explain further what a ';positive adoption issue'; is? If adoption is positive, what's the issue? And why would one wish to rant about it?





Thanks for clarifying.
Because some adoptees and birthmothers have an agenda to make all adoption bad. For whatever reason they are angry and want that anger to spread. Adoption is a positive thing, not a negative one.
When does positive adoption become an ';issue';? Why don't you ask who has had a positive adoption? When you do that you will have your answer. Either is accepted, just the right question needs to be asked.
I don't think that ranting on any side of the issue or other wise is good at all. Seems like you might be trying to stir up some ranting? Adoption is a very emotional issue, everyone's experience is their own.
I only see rants from the so-called ';positive adoption issues'; people. Look at the resolved questions section. The proof is in the postings.
Because negativity ';sells'; better than the positive things we rarely hear about.
You answered your own question, misery loves company.
I have very little respect for a lot of people in this section. I read about how they think infertility is self inflicted and all that crap, but then you hear about all these ';depressed'; adoptees and I think that's self inflicted.


Adoptees should be thankful for what they have, their selfish biological ';mother'; could have kept them and possibly not have given the best chance in life but they got adopted and got the best chance in life and they just don't appreciate that. Happy adoptees have common sense. They know there's nothing to be depressed about and get on with their lives, rather than moping around and complaining which does Absolutely no good.





I think there is Absolutely nothing wrong with adopting a child. I know that I would be willing to in the future.





Pushing someone out of your vagina doesn't make you a parent, raising and loving a child makes you a parent.
Because the Internet is full of negative people. For whatever reason most people who are happy %26amp; well adjusted dont feel the need to go ranting to whoever will listen.


Misery loves company is a good way of putting it.